punkrocker723's Journal
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Friday, October 29, 2004
11:15AM
Yea i havent updated this in forever, so much has happened but i dont want to even think about it.. im sick of gettin hurt and thing being o screwed up.. but i would like to say...
......
And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make
......
Remember when I said I loved you, well forget it I take it back. I was just a stupid kid back then, I take back every word that I said
......
Current mood:  numb Current music: random rap
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Its 12 at night which means its july 23rd my bday and im wide awake so im posting this.. have fun
5 days.. call..
ABOUT YOU
Your full name:: o come on if u readin this u know who i am.. Linds
Age:: I turn 17 tomorrow.. o wait make that today lol happy birthday to me!
Height:: About 5 2-- yes im short lol
Natural hair colour:: brown/blond highlights.. but i screwed w/ my hair recently lol
Eye colour:: blue.. most ppl tell my i have really pretty eyes.. idk what do u think?
Number of siblings:: none.. and i love it
Glasses/contacts:: glasses.. only where them when neccasary.. but i cant drive without them at night.. blah
Piercings:: Not yet. Parental rule
well ears but that doesnt really count now does it..
Tattoos:: see above
Braces:: never
FAVOURITE
Color:: red, black ...
Band:: ummmmm....mb20
Song:: long day... rest stop... ifr ur gone^
Stuffed animal:: bunny and a blanky... dont ask.. had them since i was born
Video game:: dont like em
TV show:: i love the 90's, 80's 70's lol.. haha idk vh1 mtv ??
Movie:: shawshank redemtion... secret window.. ferris buellers day off...
Book:: plague tales
Food:: idk anything lol
Game on a cell phone:: SNAKE!!! so addictive. at like 2 in the mornin
Scent:: lovespell.. dont ask why i havent a god damn clue..
Animal:: idk
Comic book:: hate comic books
Cereal:: special K w/ red berries.. and lucky charms
Cartoon:: david the gnome.. holla back to being like 4 yrs old
DO YOU
Play an instrument?:: used to
Watch TV more than 60 hours a week?:: no . That's such a waste of time
Like to sing?:: Only when a)I'm all alone, b)in the car or c) really really hyper.. d) in the shower.. im very sry for anyone who has had to hear me sing lmao
Have a job?:: movies
Have a cell phone?:: Just replaced it
Like to play sports?:: Not so much
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?:: blah!
Have a crush on someone?:: Yup
Live somewhere NOT in the united states?:: nope
Have more than 5 TVs in your house?:: nope
Have any special talents/skills?:: that all depends on who u ask.. lol i wont get into that here.... way way way to much that u do not have to know..
Exercise daily?:: right.. well i falg.. like i said before.. NO although i ran to get out anger lol
Like school?:: no
CAN YOU
Sing the alphabet backwards?:: Just tried...it's harder than it sounds.. cant do it. lol
Stand on your tiptoes without wearing shoes?:: yes
Speak any other languages?:: not really, yo hablo un poco espanol
Go a day without food?:: i do sometimes.. i dont eat if im upset.. i didnt eat for like a week once
Stay up for more than 24 hours?:: yes i have
Read music, not just tabs?:: no.. idk if i can even read tabs lol
Roll your tongue?:: why do u care if i can roll my tounge.. nasty ppl lol.. yup i can
Eat a whole pizza?:: yup
HAVE YOU EVER
Snuck out of the house?:: not yet
Cried to get out of trouble?:: of course
Gotten lost in your city?:: not im my city.. but i once mangaed to come home through attleborough... for anyone who knoes where i live .. knows i got wicked wicked lost
Seen a shooting star?:: yes
Had a serious surgery?:: not serious.. but surgery yes
Stolen something important to someone else?:: yup
Solved a rubiks cube?:: no.. anyone thats does is God
Gone out in public in your pajamas?:: Constantly..
Cried over a girl?:: never
Cried over a boy?:: somewhat.. who we foolin. yes
Kissed a random stranger?:: well idk u anymore its like ur a stranger to me..
Hugged a random stranger?:: sure why not
Been in a fist fight?:: Oh yes. They're fun
Been arrested?:: hell no
Done drugs?:: nope
Laughed and had milk come out of your nose?:: No but i did with water like two days ago.. it was hott to ssay the least
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator?:: more than once
Gone to school only to find out you had the day off because of a holiday/etc?:: hahaha not yet
Swore at your parents?:: few times
Been to warped tour?:: AWAISGLKSDJFHJF i dont like parents for this one really want to go
Kicked a guy where it hurts?:: no.. thats mean
Been in love?:: do i have to asnwer.. yes i have
Been close to love?:: well if ive been in love then i guess i was close to love before being in love.. make sense.. ;)
Been to a casino?:: yea.. Bahamas.. i won lol
Ran over an animal and killed it?:: Not that I'm aware of
Broken a bone?:: tailbone.. OUCH
Gotten stiches?:: surprisingly NEVER
Had a waterballoon fight in winter?:: no
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour?:: the only thing mile is god for is dunking oreos in .. so NO..
Made homemade muffins?:: yup
Bitten someone?:: love bites?? o then again i did bite someone a few days ago.. lol he started it!!!
Been to disneyland/disneyworld?:: yup
More than 5 times?:: yes ... yes. i have.
Been to niagra falls?:: Not that I remember
Burped in someone's face?:: not so much..
Gotten the chicken pox?:: nope
WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU
Brushed your teeth:: Maybe 10 mins ago
Went to the bathroom:: Kinda a sketchy question....
Saw a movie in theaters:: i dont like movies so much anymore for many reasons.. 1) workin there.. 2)workin there 3) dont want to get into to..
prob w/ al and molls.. o btw Secret Window is a good movie!!
Read a book:: really need to start summer readin..
Had a snow day:: Winter? When it snows?
Had a party:: Threw a party? my 16th birthday. Attended a party, few weeks ago.. im always friggen workin.. no partyin ... :(
Had a slumber party:: idk.. al sleeps over randonmly
Made fun of someone:: Within the last 5 minutes, guaranteed
Tripped in front of someone:: o idk prob 5 mins ago.. i make fallin on my ass an olumpic sport
Went to the grocery store:: two days ago.. belmont.. on vaca
Got sick:: few months ago.. hospital.. kidney
Cursed:: 5 seconds ago
PICK ONE
Fruit/vegetables:: fruit
Black/white:: black
Lights on/lights off:: off.. o yes off baby
TV/movie:: movie.. not watchin them is also good
Car/truck:: car
Body spray/lotion:: who cares? spray is quicker if i bother
Cash/check:: cash
Pillows/blankets:: pillows and blankets.. sry i need both..
Headache/stomach ache:: head
Paint/charcoal:: paint.. but i LOVE PHOTOGRAPHY and plan on minorin in it
Chinese food/mexican food:: both are good...
Summer/winter:: summer
Snow/rain:: rain
Fog/misty:: what's the difference?
Rock/rap:: both.. but punk at heart
Meat/vegetarian:: meat
Chocolate/vanilla:: swirl
Sprinkles/icing:: icing WITH sprinkles
Cake/pie:: cake.. yumm just had some birthday cake!
French toast/french fries:: fries
Strawberries/blueberries:: strawberries
Ocean/swimming pool:: ocean
Hugs/kisses:: hugging while kissing. both are nice.. i love having someone's arms around me and kissing them.. (yea cause u all needed to know that lmao)
Cookies/muffins:: cookies
Wallet/pocket:: wallet
Pink/purple:: no
Cat/dog:: dog
Long sleeve/short sleeve:: short
Pants/shorts:: shorts in summer.. jeans in winter?
Winter break/spring break:: spring
Spring/autumn:: spring
Clouds/clear sky:: clear
Moon/mars:: moon I guess
LOVE AND ALL THAT CRAP
Have you ever been in love?:: yes
Are you single?:: for now
Are you in a relationship?:: not at the moment
If so, for how long?:: this whole thing has been goin on for too long
Do you believe there is someone for everyone?:: yes i do.. i also believe that if u love someone.. i mean really love them then thigs will work out the way they're supposed too.. that does not mean u will be happy or that u will be with that person.. but if u love someone u want them to be happy.. even if its killin u.. for now i know who's right for me but i'm not right for them
Have you ever been dumped?:: yes
Have you ever dumped someone?:: no
What's the most sexual thing youve done with the opposite sex?:: Wouldn't you like to know... u'd be surprised lol.. why the hell do i look so innocent lmao
SILLY STUFF
What day is it?:: friday
Whens the last time you called someone?:: i've forgone human contact all week.. im sick of gettin let down by ppl.. i figure u cant get hurt if u dont care
Are you hungry?:: kinda.. ate birthday cake several hours ago
Whatcha doin?:: this stupid survey
Do you like parades?:: yup.. been in some :)
Do you like the moon?:: um idk why really thinks about these things..
What are you going to do when you are done with this?:: go to bed.. sleep.. dream i suppose.. realize that life sucks..
If you could have any magical power what would it be?:: the ability to make someone do what i want..
Have you ever had a picnic?:: can't say as I have
Did you ever have one of those skip-its when you were young?:: nope.. i wanted one so bad.. deprived child i suppose :(
Are you wearing any socks right now?:: nope
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
funny?:: I like to think so
pretty?:: idk.. it goes back and forth lol.. depends on what mood i am.. i can be pretty if i actaully give a damn.. some ppl think im adorable lol.. idk.. (did i mention i love the ppl that think im adorable lmao haha)
sarcastic?:: like you need to ask.. this is ME we're talkin about
lazy?:: yes, i am the definition of lazy baby
hyper?:: almost always
friendly?:: kind of
evil?:: not really evil.. possibly vendictive?
smart?:: yea
strong?:: ill quote mike on this.. for a lil girl u hit damn hard. i think im strong for my size..
talented?:: not really
dorky?:: um.. Yes
WOULD YOU EVER
Sky dive?:: yes
Play strip poker?:: certain ppl are tryin to get me too
Run away?:: no
Curse at a teacher?:: not exaclty
Not take a shower for a week?:: how much wouldu pay me on a bet?? lol.. NO never
Ask someone out?:: if i really liked someone i guess i would
Lie to someone to make them think better of you?:: nah, that's low
Visit a foreign country for more than a month?:: hell.. is love to go to italy.. venice.. florence.. all of it.. hell id love to tour all of europe
Go scuba diving?:: sure
Write a book?:: not so much.. dont really like readin them either
Become a rockstar?:: hell yes lol.. jk
Have casual sex?:: dont even get me started on this lol..idk u have to be in that situation..
LAST QUESTIONS
What shampoo do you use?:: whatever's in the shower
What kind of computer do you have? piece of shit toshiba lap top.. old school.. 90's comp
What grade are you in?:: be a senior in the fall
Do you like to throw popcorn at people in the movies?:: 1) i have to work at the movies please dont throw popcorn its not fun to clean up
2) yes i have done it
3) um for like 3 months striaght i was the person who should have been gettin the popcorn thrown at them .. thats why u go in the bach row.. duh!
Or just make out?:: well know that can be a lot of fun.. define make out.. cause it always goes further lmao ;)
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
3:04PM
k i'll bbl if the other one starts talkin to ya its not me and if it is me i will greet u as gary
---------------------------------------------
sry that jsut ammused me way to much
2:17PM
i would like to clarify my last entry.. its NOT about one person... its very GENERAL.. fyi
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
hey i dont feel like recapping my week.. i swear ill do it later.. i know i know i keep sayin that but i will i promise..
I was sitting here thinking of things that i need to figure out.. and i happened to randomly have a notbeook with me.. i started writing lyrics but i didnt get very far.. then i just started asking question and writing them down.. it just came out of nowhere.. then i suddenly had this huge list of questions that i want answered by people but they never will be... so i guess im posting it....
well read this if you'd like.. it prob wont make much sense.. im out so ill ttyl
love
linds
1. Can i still make you laugh?
2. Would you still hold me tight if i cried?
3. Do you reall mean everything you say?
4. Is revenge your only option?
5. How much do i really not know?
6. What do YOU want?
7. Am i always going to be there for you?
8. Did you make the right decision?
9. Were things supposed to be this way?
10. Are you truly happy?
11. Why can't you ever admit you mdae a mistake?
12. Am i not good enough?
13. What is it going to be like when YOU DON'T
KNOW ME ANYOMORE?
14. You don'y know me anymore do you?
15. Will looks get you everywhere?
16. Why can't you be yourself with me?
17. Was i myself WITH YOU?
18. I is scary to never know how you feel? to
express how you feel?
19. Do you like being the center of ATTENTION?
20. Can we CHAGE?
21. Do you change for other people?
22. What time is it now?
23. How long have YOU KNOWN ME?
24. Do your eyes really show emmotion?
25. Why does outkast have speakerboxx ad the love below.. isn't one enough?
26. I there anything YOU WANT TO CHANGE?
27. Why do you come?
28. Are you always going to BE THERE?
29. Do you care?
30. How do you still know what i do?
31. Why do you care what i do?
32. Does it bother you when things change?
33. Was I really the reason?
34. Can things ever be RIGHT again?
35. Do we learn from our mistakes?
36. Was this all a MISTAKE?
37. Why the hell can't you just say HOW YOU FEEL?
38. Do i look like a mindreader?
39. Do you Do what you DO for attention?
40. Do i matter to you?
41. Did i matter to you?
42. What are you really like?
43. Can i fix this?
44. Should i try to fix this?
45. Is it THAT OBVIOUS?
46. Should i just KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT?
47. Do you keep it all inside?
48. Should i FORGET it all?
49. Why do you want me to be someone I'm not?
50. IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?
Monday, June 21, 2004
< hey there.. i dont have much time to update.. so ill recap later.. im prob so gonna kick my ass later for posting this.. cause i know most people are gonna get the wrong idea as to why im posting this.. but what the hell it is my journal after all and i can do or say whatever i want... :)
1. i dont like this band a whole lot
2. for god's sakes its not what you think!
Another day is going by
I'm thinking about you all the time
But you're out there
And I'm here waiting
And I wrote this letter in my head
'Cuz so many things were left unsaid
but now you're gone
And I can't think straight
This could be the one last chance
To make you understand
i'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
'Cuz I know I won't forget you
< hey there.. i im out ill update for real lata...
<3 ya baby,
linds
Current mood:  apathetic Current music: random stuff i dled... yeah.. usher
Friday, June 18, 2004
not to quote pink floyd here or anything because idk if roger waters is the most sane person in the world.. but its true... its all just bricks in the wall my wall apparently just sucks! anyway i guess everything we have to deal with changes us slightly.. our character.. our outlook and i guess even our attitude... whether or not its for the better is totally subjective.. i know ive changed.. i dont know if its for the better anymore.. its so easy to tell someone not to change for someone else. that they're not worth it if they dont accept you for who you are.. but try stickin to that idea.. its wicked bullshit..
you can say you dont care what people think... hell i say it ever five minutes but i think we all on some level care... idk how much.. or why... but we do..then again i only care what people i care about think.. the others dont matter.. but when someone you care about doesnt like you for you... idk.. i just dk.. thats somethin guess u gotta deal with..
hmmmm all well had a long day.. and im gonna be w/ the family tommorow.. out to eat at 5 its fathers day. do u think my dads gonnna go.. yea ok sure thing.. going to the air show durin the day cause i wanna... :) im goin to sleep.. ill finish my entry lata
<3 linds
if u love someone... u put yourself out there.. not loving someone.. thats boring as hell....
i guess im going to be the one thats always around.. always here for you no matter what you do.. idk why buti am.... always will be..
Current mood: all just bricks in the wall Current music: sean paul.. im still in love w/ u boy -- ok so radio sucks!
</center>Beauty I'd always missed, with these eyes before
Just what the truth is, I can't say anymore
'Cause I love you, yes I love you, oh, how I love you
Gazing at people, some hand in hand
Just what I'm going through they can't understand
Some try to tell me, thoughts they cannot defend
Just what you want to be, you will be in the end
And I love you, yes I love you
Oh, how I love you </center>
- moody blues - knights in white satin..
Current mood:  gah! i hate this Current music: stuff i d/led
Thursday, June 17, 2004
dont worry about it, when u fall for someone ud do things, but u fully dont know what their fully like till after somthing things happen
Saturday, June 12, 2004
im not in the mood to give u and update on the happenings of the last two weeks so here is the abbreviated version..
i got out of my exams.. school is over.. and i have a job.. and flag practice is gonna be like all damn summer
ive pretty much realized i only use this thing to write when im upset or sad.. things i just dont want to tell people about.. yet anyone who cants can read it.. which is scary because when u really start to think about it.. people who shouldnt see this do.. but i dont care anymore
im not as sad as i come off in this thing.. tis just i choose only to write about that sad stuff.. no need to over analyze the happy things in my life.. because i have many happy things :)
ok so anyways back to my point... ive realized no matter what i do.. no matter how many times people tell me.. i cant do what i need to do.. i cant get beyond this.. its all i ever think about... its so messed up.. why would u love someone why could give a damn about you? do u know how easy it is to critisize other people then u have to deal w/ it urself and u cant ??
more pathetically i cant think of the reasons as to why im upset.. like what it is i miss... idk if there even is anything anymore..
love isnt supposed to cause this much pain.. wtf does it... then again what is love? not lettin go of someone who only hurt u... is that just stupidity? Yes, yes it is.. does that mean it changes anything? no it doesnt
its screwed up.. its horrible and i cant stand how i feel...dont get me wrong... im happy and have a wonderful life.. im so lucky...
but when u get urslef wrapped up in something you cant get out of.. you feel like ur trapped in a pit with no way of getting out.... but ive created this mess all by myself...
would i go back.. would i do it all again.. OF COURSE I WOULD.. even though it hurts like hell id do it again...
ill always do it again..
what do i want... i want things to change.. i want them to be different.. i dont want to be sad anymore..
w/e its bot worth this though.. its so much easier to pretend that i dsont care anymore.. but i mean come on it think u can still tell..
i cant believe ill even admit but all i want is to get back there.. and i do whatever i need to.. im not proud of it.. nor should i be.. but i guess thats just how it is.. how it will always be...
idk if i should just get it all out of me.. let it out.. how i feel.. but why just so i can get hurt more? damnit none of this is rigth or good or should be happening
and i feel helpless... so helpless..
i guess you can always start liking someone over and over again, but you can never stop loving someone
NOTHING I COULD SAY WILL MAKE IT GO AWAY I'VE LIVED THROUGH THIS I STILL FEEL THIS I JUST LIVED FOR MY TIME AROUND... just make this go away
the safest i ever felt was asleep in you arms..
-linds
Current mood:  just make this go away Current music: staind
Tuesday, June 1, 2004
There was no point to school today as usual.. so its 11:5- and im sittin on my bed typin after the mucho depressed entry and I just had the wierdest feelin.. it feels like im moving.. but im def not.. it really feels like im spinnin around.. and I cant stop.. but im not dizzy.. wow this is odd.. I think I need to get some sleep!
I talked to molls today for a while and we made plans to hang out tommorow.. which is awesome.. and I talked to al too of course
I cant believe tommorow is my last odd day.. idk where the year has gone there are so many memories.. wow I really cant get over it.. one I will never forget.. japenese food bein left oustide my house at 10:00 at night but certain members of the drill team.. lmao
I have a meetin thurs for flag and I cant wait.. wicked excited about bein capt.. its gonna be an awesome year
4- span exam.. SLEPT zzzzZZZzzzZZ
6 health—ZZZZZZzzz chilled with al in the old gym.. chatted as usual.. damn what would I ever do w/o that girl??
8- math,.. limits.. then chatted w/ em.. got some insight into relationships.. I love talkin w/ her o and im joinin the latin club. why ? cause I can and I drive an altima.. thank u lol
2- mr mcnulty—movie some 1 ½ monolouge by some guy pretending to be pres. Roosevelt.. I mean it wanst even the real thing lmao
wnet to the library after school.. dunkin donuts. Savers and sal army cause I want ties to make a skirt so if anyone would like to donate to the LINDS TIE SKIRT FUND please bring in old ties for me.. PLEASE lol!!!!
Ok well im wicked tired and im gonna get in trouble if im found typin away so ill update lata.. and ignore my last entry lmao that was nutso and for my own benefit
Lata babe!
Linds
Ps u know what im gonna go for it and act on my feelins.. screw it lmao ;)
Hey .. idk why im botherin to write any of this… or why I feel the need to bear my soul to any random person who is readin this.. but w/e this is my journal and I feel the need to write. Let go of everything.. and stop the insanity
Ok yea its like 11:15 Tuesday night and instead of sleepin cause im totally exhausted im typing a random journal entry cause I need to.. im not whinnin nor do I want to scare ppl or make them feel bad by any means.. but im not in the mood to recap my day or write more bs about how great things are… yea certain things are great.. I have friends that love me and I would do anything for them.. I have a great family.. and a bunch of people lookin out for me.. and school’s almost over.. im really happy for summer but on the other hand im kinda scared.. it’s the first time not gonna always have my friends around.. and idk I just really need them lately.. or have for a while now I don’t know whats goin on anymore… its kinda scary to go from bein wicked happy to wicked sad so fast.. or being wicked mad to wantin to cry.. its not normal or sane and there is one reason for all of this.. and I hate it.. I just want everythin to be ok again.. I don’t want to be sad.. or upset.. I want everything to be the way it was.. and that’s not going to happen because you cant change the past.. but if I could I don’t know if I would..yea I’ve gotten myself into situations where I’ve been hurt.. ive been hurt worse then id like to admit.. and why idk .. I don’t know why.. I didn’t deserve what I got but I guess it did make me realize how naïve I am and how easily I trust people. But I don’t want to be cynical and bitter because that is just letting someone control me or get the better of me and I cant let that happen anymore.. I cant deal w/ it.. im so frustrated things were great.. and then they just got so messed up again.. its not about the person.. its not about material objects.. its about that fact that its scares me how bad I can be hurt or how much I depend on people when I shouldn’t… am I more mature from all of this.. hell no but I do know one thing.. Ive learned a valuable lesson as to the decisions I make.. I guess that’s the most important thing.. ive learned to be more careful about the decisions I make.. and I had no idea just how much It could affect other people.. especially the people I love so much and who are always there for me.. but I guess that’s what friends are for to let you cry and scream when you need too, to tell you when to panic… and tell yell at you and tell u to snap out of it cause ur being rediculous…..
Wow now that ive typed all of this I feel wicked dramatic.. but w/e its just how a I feel.. and please don’t for one minute think this is based on my past relationship.. its not.. im pretty good with that.. I don’t care anymore on that respect.. its just a whole lot of things hit me at once.. and im not quit sure why they bother me as much as they do.. maybe im weak.. or maybe im strong for admittin I feel scared and I don’t know what to do…
Its so weird cause im so happy sometimes like when im chillen with allie or any of my other friends.. or talkin to my boys on AIM.. then its like im alone at night.. its all quiet and dark and I just think… way to much for my own good.. I believe thinkin is overratted.. and I now feel like one of those really depressed girls who look for attention of what have u.. but that’s the last thin I want.. I don’t even know if im going to post this.. its more for me then anyone else.. its deep.. its scary.. it shows more of me then I want ppl to know… why should ppl know.. when we’re ignorant to everythin its just easier that way
And im mad too cause I feel like I got forced into somethin I never wanted … ever… but w/e I cant control everything and I just need to go w/ the flow
*** idk if I can say this again but I don’t know why I bothered with this entry. But it made me feel better.. like I finnaly got everythin out that’s been botherin me.. its not just one thing but literally EVERYTHIN that icouldnt handle anymore.. now I got to see it in retrospect and feel like an total douche bag.. but its done its over.. and I can finally be at some peace with the way I feel.. I can be happy.. have a kick ass summer and stop contemplatin what I did wrong.. it wasn’t me.. it never was me.. but its easier to blame myself.. I know I shouldn’t…
its scary just how fine everythin can look on the outside.. but I think everyone has problems or feels scared and alone.. they just don’t decide to go nusto typin ant 11:3- at night and postin it in their journal.. but hey maybe its better that way.. and I need to stop being so contemplative and just get over everything
I got hurt.. I cant handle it…. Well I need to cause nothin is worth wishin u would just dissapear… sometimes I wish I was as invisible as some ppl make me feel…. But im not.. but I do know deep down im a good person.. and I need to remember im better then what I got.. much better then that..
So yea tommorow.. you would think its goin to suck.. but u know what I wont let it.. I cant let it. im better off this way…
So yea if u read this.. don’t let it freak u out ok.. idk even why im postin it.. who knows if ill leave it or not.. but im happy right now.. who knows how long it will last but I can honestly say.. RIGHT NOW I AM HAPPIER THEN I HAVE BEEN IN SO LONG.. I don’t know why.. nor will I ever.. but I cant analyze I need to just accept it .. things as they are.. and realize I am one lucky girl
--- I get by with a lil help from my friends.. I get high with a lil help from my friends.. im gonna try with a lil help from my friends.. a lil help from my friends.. do u need anybody? I just need someone to love.. could it be anyobody..? –
to all my friends.. u guys are great!!
* l
Saturday, May 29, 2004
ok so everyone says high school is supposed to be the best years of our lives.. thats just bullshit.. i dont think i have ever had so many mixed emmotions at once, how is it at all possible to smile and cry at the same time.. i love my friends, i really do i dont know what i would do without them.. but sometimes i feel alone even when im with them.. does that make any sense.. like so wrapped up in my lil non-sense-making world that i miss the lil things.. w/e ill finish this lata when its not midnight
Saturday, May 22, 2004
Yea so my day started at 7:30ish.. its called I rolled out of bed ate some pancakes put s sweatshirt on and drove allie to work IN MY PJs .. who cares w/e lmao.. ive been cleanin my damn room since then and it is now like quarter of two.. I need to be restrained.. all well its nice and clean
I have to write my friggen term paper.. GAG ME.. no but instead im goin to the alumni / hawks rugby game. Why? Cause I can lmao that’s my sole reason,.. o that and brian invited me and katie lmao
So anyways last night was the concert at hendricken.. the last time we get to perform w/ lauren as our captain and in our nice LIL group of girls.. I love em all! Next year is def gonna be diff with all the new girls… excuse but I like screwin around and playin duck duck goose.. lmao yes I am four yrs old ;) jp jp
So anyways allie and I got back from six flags.. went to my grammy’s to get ready.. got some subway for supper and got to hendricken like quarter past six.. was kinda supposed to be there at 5:30 but there was no way that was possible.. we got back to bva too late,,
So anyways all the flag girls looked cute.. in out very short pink skirts and black tops.. fun.. the night was um interesting.. we flagged second.. I had to march put first.. UH-OH lol but everything went well.. ppl said we were good it was fun..
Then I stole al away from my mom.. she left and we were randomly chillen w/ ppl and wanderin around.. al got to meet the guys.. ( do I or don’t I??? well actually we’re still not sure on that one right kiddo?/;) ) got invited to a party at cpts house.. but of course couldn’t go cause my dad was on the damn camp and I coulndt call him and tell them I was gonna miss curfew.. grrrrr
Things were def weird last night.. MUCHO CONFUSION.. o btw nice friggen shirt.. lmfao.. So there was a lot goin on.. and idk nor do I care but it was just bizzZZzzah..
Decided we would make another brief appearance.. saw the skit w/ dave.. funny as hell.. stayed till the end.. (AWW HOW CUTE – THE GIRLS GOT FLOWERS ) so then we decided to get a group of ppl to go out.. so we went to friendly’s.. a friggen 45 min wait.. ahem I hate curfew.. so anyways we decided to go to greg’s which would have been great excpet the ppl I were followin like dissapeared.. and then chris jackson was following me.. can u see this as being bad.. so chris and I are blocking both lanes of warwick trying to find out where it is were goin.. so we decide to pull into some random parking lot.. it turns out it was the joyfull sound.. where christians meet… RIGHT.. anyways roy gets into my car and we finally get to gregs cept now its 10:15 and I have to get goin so I don’t even get to stay.. GRRRR
All well on the way home al and I stop at the Newport Creamery take out window and pull at total fat kid moment.. then chilled at the gazebo to eat
Finally got home.. chatted con la madre…then al and I watched the band video.. CAN U SAY REWIND.. I think we almost broke the tape.. we analyzed everyone so much.. lol.. so basically anyone we knew was analyzed.. hey we were keepin ourselves amuse.. so we have.. senor pirate belt buckle.. mr serious. The natzi.. yee who looks like shes’ in a funeral.. flag girl doin the wrong routine.. lil kid w/ sunglasses (whats with that) so after watching a 7 min clip for about an hour we decided we should prob stop..
Finally went to bed.. cept I kept waking up.. way to much to deal w/ right now.. HOW THE HELL DID I GET MYSELF INVOLVED INTO ANY OF THIS??? All I want is to be happy.. screw this.. all well w/e its all good
Al and I chatted.. made me feel better.. as usual.. then sleep.. ZZZZzzzZZZzzZZ
**** ok so now I need to get dressed cause im goin to the game at hendricken.. it should be fun.. or at least katie and I will make It fun!! lata *****
Hmm this is going to be random and scattered as usual.. sry that’s just how my brain works lol. We went to six flags yesterday and we should mean my physics class but who we foolin… it was me and al.. and it was def wicked wicked fun. Of course we’re scared of rollercoasters.. come on does that surprise absolutely anyone? I didn’t think so. We did go on the red rollercoaster, idk the name of it and people cried on it.. we screamed a lil so we were brave!! (right al?? ;) ) The houdini ride was def an experience.. al and I um pretty much had an emmotional breakdown because it makes u think ur hanging upside down over a basement.. and this guy next to me.. who we foolin kid.. tries to calm me down cause im spazzin by tellin me look ur not upsided down cause your hair isnt moving.. thanks that helped but after hearing it for the 15th time is was like kid shut up.. then we had mr ghetto thin next to al.. “IM gonna puke..” o yes did I mention lil jon was in the house? This kid kept saying WHATTTT.. YEAAAHHH… OKKKK… again thank u shortayyy lmao ;).. ok we def over abused the buzzsaw ride and the swings.. the only thing u could hear on the top of the buzzsaw is al goin “O BABY” and me screaming.. “ I HATE U FOR THIS”. Yet we went on again.. hot.. or then there was a nutso incident of me losing my cellphone.. HOT.. o yes the 10 yrs on the date made me sick… get over urself..!! lol so I chilled with Al all day as usual? Any surprise there?? Nah
We’re finally back at bva and allie and I get into my car.. blast hot 106 and drive by Mr. g totally cracking up.. he really thinks we’re nuts.. after all we are referred too as the twins,, oy! Lol ;)
***** o salt shaker just came on the radio.. what is w/ me and that song?? Ok im out lata
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
EXCUSE ME FOR HAVING AN ATTITUDE.. but u were not forced to shovel manuer laden dirt at some wicked nutso hippy heaven as a class trip.. aka..the junior trip to the heiffer farm.. my pants are covred in what the claimed was dirt .. aka.. animal poop.. thanks for that.. nutso volunteer ppl.. aka NUTSO HIPPIES W/ NO LIFE PLANS.. but htats ok it was um interesting.. oy yes i was forcved to make tortillas along w/ molly with my bare hands... gag me.. i think we may all now be suffering from food poisoning.. lol i let u know when i stop getting sick to me stomach lmao j/p
so in the words of al. the nerve we had to go on diff days which def limited my enid moments!! wahhh... " i was just wanting for someone to say.. JUST PLAYIN'" sadly that poitn never cam and i have crap on my pants and shoes and my swqeatershirt is ripped.. HOT.. o yes i was not award just how much animals smell.. now i feel like paris hilton w/ the comments minus the well publicised internet video.
so on other news..
something is making me really happy and i hope everything works out the way i want it too lol...
o prom was over the weekend.. which translates to linds and al acting like nuts cause that is what we do best.. ah yes then there was my sudden outburts of laughter at friendly's becuase i suddenly relaized of screwy my life really is.. and i jsut kept laughing for a good 20 mins.. paul now thinks im insane.. molly and al already knew that.. and i dont know if ill ever understand why shane go so tired.. lmao but he was cool
omg mr limo driver "R U GETTIN STONED IN MY LIMO"? yup that woulb be me the eternal pot head.. and yes of course im all about the bicaradi baby.. LIME IT UP lmao jp jp ;) ok so anyways im happy its done with.. cuase everything went biizzZZzzzah
so yea school is the same as usual.. no need to say anything about that.. cept id die w/o al lmao and i missed an odd day for that nutso trip thing.. but anywho im done
*****
omg one more thing
get low was played three times in a row.. u know that song just gets me lmao jp jp
ok im out.. LATA! <3 linds
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Oy ive been so friggen busy lately.. still kinda feelin icky from the whole hospital/kidney stone incident.. (bee!! luv u)and so yea was on some morphine... hot.. well in al's eyes i was on dopamine but hey whatever floats ur boat right.. so i think im just going to be a nut a recap the last two weeks of my life cause they've been isnane~
May 3rd- um yes its called i missed my Ap Lit exam because i was in the hospital.. grrr
May 4th- flag.. i really cannot hnadle it anymore.. no not flag.. being at hendricken when certain ppl are around.. but the heeders are the best.. ahem my falg sisters.. I <3 Katie! and i got my drill boy buddies.. 7-1-3-5
so basically it wnet like this.. zz. NUT.... free period.. NUT.
May 5th- school then sleep.. o yea hw too cause that what im always doing 8-2-4-6 quiz.. zzzz... oy vey.. gym class - translation got hit in the head with a volley ball.. several times
Finally decided that prom is not going to suck.. cause i got al lmao.. asked a good friend to go w/ me and he said yes so it should be a fun time
May 6th- flag again.. got stuck there till 6 .. that was uminteresting.. was chillen chillen with wierdo boys who i dont know.. lol then brian tought me how to throw a rugby ball.. fun!~ lol then i was chatting with the lemonade guy over my love of salt and vinegar chips, and why i was at hendricken if its an all boys school.. lol ok even the lemonade guy knows lol 1-3-5-7 Nut.. fre period.. Nut.. ZZZZ
May 7th.. idk what happened today.. i dont remember lol 2-4-6-8 GYM AHHHHHHHH it was so very painful u have no idea. Ok well seing as how i cant remember what happened ill just go for the reandom allie shout out. omg al. ok first who would put up witht he depressiveness that is me.. and secodn I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THIS.. and by that i mean anything that would appear to be of the slightest importance lol..and may i say who ewlse would clam me down over the mono syllabic ness that is going to be my life.. and the freshmen who my mom is all sorts of linds he's the best kid .. why does he tell me he loves me.. oy vey! omg do we have time for physics.. i think not.. or ap lit.. NO NEVER
****** finally something interesting*****
ITS THE FREAKIN WEEKEND BABY IM ABOUT TO HAVE ME SOME Fun..
Saturday May 8th- was out all day getting stuff for my mom cause it was mothers day.. thorugh a certain jacket half way across my room cause i got wicked pissed out of nowhere lol.. then allie came over arounf 3:30 we chilled and by chilled i mean we made pancakes and pigged out.. then it was time to get ready.. we adopted.. well more so her.. the punk lifestyle for the night.. CHUCKS ROCK MY WORLD lmao so yea we um get dressed fo like an hour and a half.. emptied my draws and closet contents on my floor.. and yet i ened up wearing als outfit she wore mine.. we kill ourselves..
1. can we get these boy some differen
2. it's the lifestyle
3. hot tuna and humble pie
4. oh no you didnt g/f
5. fat kid moments
6. linds what are we doing with the hair?
7. the buzz part one and two.. (lyrics will be refferenced later! lol)
Ok so left my house around six.. cause yea we're just always late..so stopped by the florist with my radio blasting.. and by blasting as loud as it will go int he Altima lol ;)
went to the mall around 6:30 ish and met dave.. the other ppl didnt show lmao.. well i got lost in the parking lot.. al was on my cell chatting w/ dave.. im still lost.. still lost.. o wait still lost.. yea so finally we decide to jsut meet inside because i am yee of the perenial lostness.. AL WHERE AM I ?? WHAT AM I DOING?? MY LIFE HAS CRUMBLED TO PIECES AROUND ME... lmao so anyways i finally end up where im suppsoed to be and the license plate on my car hangs lower then the bumper so it hit the barrier.. great wonderful.. so basically it sounded like i hit something.. and felt like it too but i didnt.. phew.. im a really good drivre.. that would jsut scar me way to much..
al and i chilled in newbury comics.. i want the vanilla ice cd.. and who can live without the rap hits of the 90's cd.. holla lmao hjp jp .. we went to nordstroms cafe.. Couldnt handle that at all. al and linds and ordering - didnt work.. but the guy did give us free soda.. ok some lady was def eating a muffin with a fork come one wtf is with that??? please.. so yea the three of us chilled.. which translates to al and i being totally insane.. lmao ;) but WE'RE FUN.. O COME I FIND US FUN.. DONT YOU? lol ate for like ever.. pizza was good.. [hmm i kind of feel like having pizza right now -- sudden urge.. can u say pit stop on picking my mom up? lol ] so we then went to hot topic. AL im so proud fo you.. and back to newbury cause it jsut fun.. lol i converted al to lovin chucks she's gonna get some.. WAHOOO lol.
dave left and al and i went to ben and jerry's cause i was freakin out over some news i got.. basically im still being lied to by someone who i loved so much.. NOTICE THE PAST TENST OF THAT STATEMENT.. so yea ice cream sunday in this hugae ass cone.. hot! Then on to filenes for some prom dress shopping.. one thing to say.. THANKS PAM.. ok not to be fresh (thanks ang) but im well aware i have a chest.. did i need to try on the corset top come on what were we expecting.. thank u b/b/mcgge lmao.. aka PAM as in anderson lmao.. jp jp then it was time to leave.. ONE LOOK BACK AND WE'RE MOVING lmao .. stuck in the parkion garage for ever.. 35 mins?? with some nutso guy whisteling.. i wanted to hurt him.. lol.. was very impressed by my backing up in much traffic in one fluid motion. HOTT i know finally got home aorund 10:30 and crashed in my room and chatted with al for a long time
LIKE DISCO LEMONADE
acted al sorts of depressed.. idk whats wrong with me lmao.. idk how u guys can put up with it sometimes-- thanks Enid.. any woogle
EL NOCHE DE SILENCIO
May 9th- moms day.. family was over.. wasnt feelin that day.. Flagged in my room with al and broke the light.. then decided taping it back together with scotch tape would be a good idea.. and then use was paper for the big missing part.. yes no one has noticed yet lmao.. then off to the library to work on my histroy paper.. yes cause that's fun. again HURT ME lol
May 10th - school day.. nothing special 3-5-7-1 free.. NUT..zzz. Nut
first day of flag troyts were today.. i love how no one signed up then we hade 22 girls.. HOTT it went ok.. an by ok i didnt trough anysort of a fit lmao.. the girls learned dropspins and figure eights.. easy.. together.. NO lmao
May 12th- 4-6-8-2 oy..oy..oy..mr m.
NHS elections.. can u say popularity contest.. iw anted to scream i swear could we not elect the sme people for everything in this world.. al and i left early w/e screw it i had troyuts to be at.. lol CAPTAIN :).. so the girls learned doubletime and waves.. not so bad.. some girls are good.. everyone seems nice.. we were all chillen :)
pulled a real dumb move.. called.. cause i was sad and lonely and wicked upset. i dont know its not gonna matter anymore.. but i finally think im ok with that.. at least i hope so.. i jsut feel wicked used still.. people dont give a damn about their actions or how they affect people.. i dont know what i did that or why i thought that would be a good idea.. it wasnt i cried.. way to much.. but w/e I DESERVE BETTER! and thats been pointed out to me a lot <3
May 13th- more school ick! 5-7-1-3 Nut quiz.. zzz movie..nut.. powder puff physics.. hot.. i thre a fit about someone who screwed me oever mr. G heard me looked at al and went OK lol that was cute.. last period free.. sat poutside in the back on the lawn and studied and by studied i mean i used my book for a pillow.. it was goregous out
More flag tryours.. we now have 18 girls and 3 alternates.. one of which will not be an alterante for too long if i have anything to do w/ it.. i freaked.. al made me feel better cause a few people were supposed to come and had no right too and i jsut couldnt deal with it but nothing happened false alarm.. garrappe came and scared the girls about band camp lol i knew he was awesome for something lol
but its gonna be great
im happy about being captain and ppl seem to have less of a prob with that now.. hope everytihng works out w/ katie and that situation (babe its ok we'll figure it out)
went home.. and did hw and slept
May 13th- today.. spent way to mcuh time typing a useless l/j entry.. 6-8-2-4 got wacked in the head by a volley ball aprt 6 million. laur and i leaned against each other to sleep for a lil.. chilled.. talked.. she grounds me lol!~! :) 8 did nada cahtted with em about her b/f, prom and john wall whos the sweetest kid lol.. mr m.. learned lots.. 4 test.. OUCH linds made up her own versiom of spanish.. hotness lol had lunch with al.. we chatted about the fact that my life has shattered around me lmao jp jp .. but its great to have her to talk too.. id go nuts otherwise
Afterschool al and i flagged for two hours... much much better.. mad good flag girl lmao.. wwe did so much.. and it was fun cause i love chillen with allie.. got lemonade and ice cream and made fun of the track people.. it was fun..
debated the finer points of prom..
went home .. the to the library.. heard let it burn.. cried idk why.. i think its tht whole lovely imbalance issue right now.. al why does this have to happen now.. lmao i feel like our moms w/ the hot flashes but not.. u think id be able to handle lmao.. jp jp
now im sitting here tyoping this nutso mcgee entry.. if u read this whole thing im scared.. BUT YOU BETTER SIGN M B/G
********
could i get off the computer at night.. ive been chatting with all my buddies for hours on AIM someone stop me .. im a nut..
somehow this just made me think of the song.. dont give up you got the music in you..idk where we're going with that
its easier then dealin with the pain- runaway train
how's it gonna be when you don't know me anymore..
If you don't expect too much from me
You might not be let down
Cause all I really want is to be with you
Feeling like I matter too
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might be here with you -
i love how a certain freshmen and i are tight.. lol my moral support that all boys dont suck..
chattin it up w/ the punk ppl.. lmao.. yea finds me hilarious i love it
and prom.. def gonna be interesting.. im excited and my dates really nice.
and then al and shane..fun lmao :)
so prom tommorow night at crowne plaza.. ill write after that
LATER.. LINDS
ps i love u guys!
Sunday, April 18, 2004
Hey you out there on your own always doing what your told can you help me? Hey you out dont tell me there's no hope at all.. together we stand divided we fall.. Pink Floyd.. The Live Wall CD
Oy im wicked sick.. i dont know some horrible cold or something like that.. isnt that just wonderful.. and i gto no sleep.. well went to bed at like 5am thanks to a certain red-head who will remain anonymous.. lol.. So yea i feel like total crap.. and think boys suck right now just cause yea i think they do.. well most.. no wait i change my mind they all do i just happen to care about some that do..
Yes so anyways.. prom shoot me now.. totally screwed for that.. i know there is someone i could take but it would be to awkward there is not way i can have a platonic relationship with that person.. trust me.. that i know.. Molly and i were talking about this recently.. can any relationship between a guy and a girl be platonic.. especially if they have history?
all well w/e you figure high school is supposed to suck anyways right? i mean its like the worlds worst cliche.. ever.. the best yrs all right.. ok so u can drive.. but um w/ that come gas money.. yea you can date but w/ that comes broken hearts.. and yea did i mention the school aspect of high school lol..
wow i jsut read everything i typed.. since when am i sooo cynical.. that kinda scared me. wow i would like it known im usually a total nutcase laughing w/ my friends.. apparently stuff is gettin to me worse then i thought.. yikes lol!!
lata babe!
Current mood:  sick Current music: pink floyd.. (can i stop acting depressed lol)
Friday, April 16, 2004
Well i have had the most choatic week of school vacation.. I don't think it helps that my family believes i am going off the deep end or something along those lines.. ok granted not eating staying in ur room and blasting pink floyd is not normal but still.. do we need to point it out.. maybe this is who im meant to be A NUT lol.. o wait i arelady am one but you all love me...
Ok idont know if i really understand the point of these things.. i mean why would anyone wnat to read this.. im goona right a bunch lata.. i just dont have time to right now.. nor do i feel like it.. w/e ..lata
Top Reasons Why L****** P******* IS My Favorite Person Ever:
1) "Ok, I'm sorry, but now I can say this. The ass end of his car was SO BIG."
2) "I'm not liable for old-school drill accidents. So if I shoot you in practice, NOT MY FAULT, drill boy."
3) "She was like, WHOA! FERRARI! Psh I would have SEX in that thing." "Well I don't think you'd wanna have sex in the altima" *ponder* hahaha
4) Concorde
5)"Brenna...what guy...OH THE ONE WITH THE 'HOLY FUTON OF FUCK'!!" LMFAO! Yeah totally forgot about that. I think i may have BLOCKED IT OUT FOR A REASON LINDS
6)Claritin. Cause it never works, twin.
7) "SOMEBODYYYYY STOP ME!" Jim Carrey Moment XD
y2jeff8448: and put if i ever have a kid...i'm naming it nomar
matchboxbabe723: excuse me I think Rob Thomas is a better choice thank you
y2jeff8448: JUST DO IT!!!!!
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